Everything and Nothing
by Shinigami Hilde
Summary: The non-existant lag time after the battle with the village of the oni-women leaves Miroku time to think on his true feelings towards Sango. What will he choose? (Warning! Spoiler from book 30, episodes 131-132!)


Everything and Nothing

By: Shinigami Hilde

Disclaimer: If I owned any of this I don't think I'd be sittin' here typing up fanfics. I'd be out there making most of this happen. Though, in this fic's case it already has. Which brings me to the:

A.N.: **!Warning! **Major Spoilers From Book 30, And Episodes 131-132! Read at own risk. This is a MirokuSango fic and from Miroku's POV.

All I could remember was the rain pattering on the roof on that one night after we had come across the village of Oni women just after we had defeated the youkai within the scroll, saving Wakana's life and giving Shinosuke-dono his bride back. After Sango had been controlled and nearly killed me. Kagome-sama had done up my wounds as carefully as she could, though all the while eyeing me.

I knew why.

When she was finished I had thanked her and excused myself to go to the temple to find something to calm myself, let myself think and figure some things out in peace. Sango being controlled and learning of why she'd let herself be controlled was very distressing to me. It made me feel something rather awkward, and I needed to get away.

The rain would help.

Not too surprisingly I found shelves of old books and scrolls in the temple, and with my mind in such a riot-I was eager for distraction so I pilfered through them. In my searching through the stacks of old reading material I came across a scroll entitled: "Ai." With a small frown I took that scroll down from the pile of others and sat myself upon the floor to read it. Maybe with this I could figure out what I was feeling. Quietly I skimmed the material until I came across this oddly worded passage. I read it silently to myself.

"Love is the power that will bind us and break us. It is everything and yet it is nothing at the same time. It rules and enslaves but it lets go and sets one free. It is something one must feel to know true happiness, and at the same time know ultimate sadness."

I sat back and reflected on all those words as I looked at the scroll in my hand. I pondered the meaning of love to me. Sighing and shook my head sadly. Unfortunately, in my predicament I had to constantly act with promiscuity…I never really knew when it might be over for me; so I was terrified of falling in love.

The problem with that was, I thought I already had anyway.

The one lady in my life that I had not asked to "bear my child," the moment I met her was the one woman I could never see as truly-a woman. She was a comrade at arms, a travel companion, and a firm feminine backside for when those urges arose. She was the tajiya who had had her family and friends destroyed by the same person who had cursed my family, a strong soul who kept fighting no matter what the cost. Someone who loved her friends and would do anything for them.

I smiled ruefully, lifting a hand and placing it upon my cheek where Kagome-sama's band-aid was red with seeping blood left by her concealed wrist blade from the battle with her earlier. She was resting with Kagome-sama and Inuyasha now, having not awakened just yet.

My Sango.

Did I love her? I wasn't sure. If I did I couldn't do anything about it till I was sure that the void in my hand was gone. I didn't want to say that I did, then leave her alone to fend in the world without me by her side…That was if she felt the same in return. I felt broken and torn when I was alone and thought about it, but, then, when we are together and I'm not thinking about it-it feels-right somehow. We're almost always attached at the hip-during every escapade our group has. We were inseparable, and I felt as if I could overcome mountains with her by my side.

So, did I love her?…I sighed again, and placed the scroll on my lap. I had to admit it to myself. Yes I loved her.

She was everything but it would be nothing if I died upon telling her.

But then, this was exactly as the text had said wasn't it? _"Love is the power that will bind us and break us. It is everything and yet nothing at the same time."_

But as I thought about it more, gazing at the scroll in front of me, Kagome-sama's words came flooding back to my memory. _"Because you were so obviously unfaithful Miroku-sama, she got angry and went off by herself."_ My promiscuity had nearly gotten Sango killed, all because I wasn't sure how he felt towards her. But-if I didn't tell her, and didn't survive this, she'd be safer in the long run. Someone had to take over the battle of Naraku for me-and I would rather it be born of a woman I didn't love so I wouldn't have to worry about leaving her behind when the kazaana finally sucked me up.

I frowned deeply and picked the scroll up crushing it in my hand. I did love her, I knew that now. But I had tell her how it really was, there was no escaping it. I didn't want her hurt in any possible way ever again by me.

It was now that I noticed the rain had stopped outside and that the morning light was spilling through the cracks in the old walls. My face softened a bit and I stood up, walking to the shoji and pushing it aside with a clack. I gazed out into the morning and watched everything all around glisten with the sparkle of light bouncing off the dew-drops. My face fell a little bit and I lifted the crushed scroll into my view, a weary and sad smile crossing over my lips.

__

"It is something one must feel to know true happiness, and at the same time know ultimate sadness."

The passage was all too right. With a resolute look on my face I stepped out into the dripping morning, finding Kagome-sama and Inuyasha waiting for me, with an awake Sango on his arm. I smiled and sauntered up to them. "Sango, I'd like to speak with you before we head off." I said, and offered my arm.

She blinked at me and seemed to have a look of-regret-? Was that it? in her eyes. She nodded and Inuyasha loosed her and I took her on my arm, moving off to sit by the river as Shinosuke-dono and Wakana came up to thank us for our help. Sango and I bowed briefly and left Inuyasha and Kagome-sama to properly accept their thanks.

We sat side by side in silence for a time, just staring at nothing, wondering where to begin, and if it would end. Surprisingly she broke the silence first. "I'm sorry Houshi-sama. If it weren't for me-"

Already I could tell this wasn't going in the right direction, so I interrupted her. "Don't worry about that Sango. Besides, this time it was my fault. If it weren't for my bad habit with women, this wouldn't have happened. I should be saying I'm sorry."

"You-you, there's no need for you to apologize…" she countered, turning her face and blushing. "I was the one who was being careless…It had nothing to do with you and your-"

I shook my head and cut her off again. "Sango, I've been thinking about this, and I've decided that this is how I truly feel. I want you to listen to it all…" She turned her face to me attentively then, and so I told her it all. Every detail about how I felt towards her…And she seemed happy about it, but, as things go with me and her…it eventually ended up in a glare and a near slap.

Ahh, the pains of love…

Owari


End file.
